Published Tuesday, April 3, 2001
Overcoming the Prefix Syndrome
BY JASON BEGAY
ASNE Reporter
I hate being a minority.
I wouldn’t mind it so much if it wasn’t flashed in my face like a finger-pointing strobe light. I wouldn’t mind it so much if it didn’t set me apart from other students and a "Native American" prefix was attached to me to prove that diversity in journalism is on the rise.
After three years, numerous Native American scholarships and three different minority/Native American internships, I still don’t know how to play my part in this movement.
They say I am equal; and
they say I am as good as everyone else; and they say I can
be as good as I want to be if I put my mind to it –-
but I don’t feel like I am " equally as talented."
Instead I feel like I should be Native American-ly talented.
But how do I do that?
I don’t know how to live up to these Native American scholarships and all the generous people awarding them. I don’t know how to be Native American enough to repay all these prefix awards that have brought me here. There has to be a way. Thousands of dollars wouldn’t be designated for the likes of me if there wasn’t such a way.
For instance, next week there will be a journalism scholarship banquet at my college, the University of Montana. Halfway through awards to the "best and brightest," school officials will do their part for diversity by announcing a slew of "Native American (insert name of generous foundation) scholarships."
Last year, they added up to over $10,000, and I was a grateful recipient of one of them. But before my name was called all I heard was "Now for the Indians…"
No matter how much professors and professionals reassure me, I can’t help but wonder if I was one of the program’s more deserving journalism students – or simply one of the deserving Native American students.
My friends all think I’m crazy. They think I should accept the opportunities offered to me and be happy.
In some ways, I do. I realize I owe everything to the Native American/minority prefix. I know that if not for that prefix on words like "scholarship," "internship," and "fellowship," my future would have met a quick death: Crash and burn right into a graveyard shift at the local convenience store.
But what am I wanted for? Why is it so important for me to be in the newsroom? Am I supposed to look Native American at my computer? My penchant for Old Navy labels and tacky polyester shirts probably don’t help there. Am I supposed to write Native American? I’m just as scared to used eagle feather descriptions as you are.
I can write, I can research and I can do these things very well. At times better than my colleagues, other times not.
In the end, just like any ambitious journalist, I want make my mark in any newsroom I work. I want to do the best work I can. But I can’t help but feel apprehensive when I’ve already been segregated from other journalism students. After all, I leave an internship as a good intern, not a good Native American.
We’ve all worked hard to get here. Yet, I’m always aware, conscious that I have been given a burst of funding and internships that sometimes feels like an illegal dose of steroids. For once, I am the fortunate, popular stud with everything going for him as the skinny loser watches me with all my good fortune - and I hate it.
I want to be hired for my talent, my heart and my dedication. I want to get an award with these prefixes.
Then again I remind myself that on Saturday, I will be praying to get one of the awards at my school’s scholarship banquet. It will probably be the one with the Native American prefix. I need it to complete my final year.
And really, without it, I would probably have to drop out.
