Last Updated: May 26, 1999
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Free-lancing
A good rejection letter is hard to find
Perhaps witty responses would help newspaper editors
choose their words more carefully when crafting the letter that says ‘no’
By Peter A. Ulin
Reading unsolicited articles from free-lancers is not exactly an editor’s
favorite pastime. That’s clear —painfully clear — to this free-lancer.
I once submitted a piece to a newspaper and received a response one
year later, wishing me good luck in placing my work elsewhere. On another
occasion, I received half of my article back, without an accompanying message.
Evidently the editor’s dog had eaten the tastiest part of the article,
along with the boss’s reply.
One of my favorite rejection letters reads in part as follows:
I found my attention wandering before I got very far into the piece
— no doubt a reflection of my attention span — not your prose.
Then there is the more subtle form of rejection. An article I submitted
to a newspaper was printed as a Letter to the Editor, rather than as a
free-standing piece, without any discussion or agreement with me. Why pay
for an article if you can fill the space for free?
On the other hand, ethics in publishing is still alive. Last November
I received a clip of a Father’s Day article I had submitted the previous
June, along with a check in payment for it. No letter of explanation, but
the check soothed my feelings rather well.
Allow me now to put you, dear editors, on the receiving end of the rejection
process. Herewith a few responses to your rejection letters that I have
composed:
Dear Editor:
Thank you for your negative response. You should know that I am not
in the least perturbed or dejected by it. The fact is that you were my
fifth choice for submission of my work. The first four publications are
all vastly superior to yours and they were far more eloquent in their refusals
to print my piece than you can ever hope to be.
If the quality of your rejections does not improve, I shall have to
think seriously about whether to continue sending you my gems. Having been
turned down by the best, I see no reason to waste my time on reading and
recording second-rate rejection letters.
Yours sincerely,
Dear Editor:
Due to the volume of rejections I receive, I cannot possibly process
them all. I hope, therefore, that you will understand the need for this
generic reply. Good luck elsewhere with your refusals.
Very truly yours,
Dear Editor:
I regret to inform you that I cannot accept your refusal. My monthly
quota is very limited and has already been filled. Your style and command
of the English language are such that you should have no problem in being
successful with your rejections in other quarters.
Sincerely,
Dear Editor:
Your rejection letter was very well done, but I am sorry to tell you
that I cannot use it. This refusal should not be construed as a negative
reflection on your approach or on your prose. It is simply a matter of
economics and psyche — and I cannot afford to accept your response on either
count.
With kind regards,
Now that you have had a taste of "turnabout’s fair play," perhaps you
will be moved to enclose a packet of mints or a couple of free movie passes
with future rejection letters. When you trade up to a free trip for two
to Tahiti, please let me know and I’ll be sure to send you a ton of my
best articles so that you may decline them immediately.
Ulin is a Boston-based free-lance writer of personal essays. Between
fielding rejection letters, he works as an investment banker.
