Last Updated: March 23, 1999
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Good writing
Whatever your writing style, remember that readers
need to stop and take a breath now and then
Blame it on deadlines and the lack of time to rewrite. Blame it on lack
of space and the urge to cram more words into fewer inches. Blame it on
El Nino if it suits you.
Despite our best intentions, mind-choking verbiage still sneaks into
newspapers every day. As an editor who battles this verbal tide, I’d like
to offer a simple antidote: Use more periods.
We need to let readers stop and catch their breath more often.
What we’re talking about is sentence length. Because the mind craves
variety in the written word, sentence lengths should vary. But the mind
also craves simplicity. So short sentences are best.
The more we pile on a sentence, the harder the mind works to keep track
of it all, finally giving up if the sentence, like this congested monstrosity,
demands too much of it.
Unless it’s followed by a short one.
A mental breather.
We’re also talking about voice. You don’t talk in a monotone. You shouldn’t
write that way either.
The key is to heed what dramatists have known since the ancient Greeks:
The spoken word has rhythm. Well-tuned rhythm carries the mind along.
If you write as you speak, you’ll pause often and avoid clause-heavy
sentences and dangling modifiers in favor of simple, declarative sentences.
But here’s the catch: We fall in love with the information we sweated for.
We can’t resist cramming in a little more from the notebook to show
our readers what we’ve learned.
But readers don’t care what we went through to get it, and don’t have
time to indulge our fancy. There are kids to get off to school and day
care, jobs with deadlines waiting. They want to learn, and fast.
What to do?
Start by recognizing that writing is a process with distinct parts.
Overburdened sentences originate in a lack of focus and organization. A
little thought ahead of time — creating a road map that gives you an idea
where your story’s headed — can cull the worst of it.
After that stage comes drafting: the power that results from thoughts
flowing freely onto the page. This act has no rules.
But you aren’t done. You have to revise, becoming a tyrant with your
words. Sentences and paragraphs shrink. Periods multiply. Clarity reigns.
The readers, not our wishes, come first.
Remember, too, that we edit best with our ears. If a sentence sounds
flabby when it’s spoken, or if it goes on so long you can’t say it in one
breath, you have some cutting to do.
Here are a couple examples of overloaded sentences that made it into
print. Each can be streamlined easily by being broken into smaller chunks.
Sometimes it’s a matter of making a dependent clause a separate sentence.
The original:
Some lawmakers, including House Speaker Robin Jennison, R-Healy,
have said they doubt a consensus can be reached on a highway program, which
has collided with other legislative desires, such as more money for foster
care and education, and further tax reductions.
A revision:
Some lawmakers, including House Speaker Robin Jennison, R-Healy,
have said they doubt a consensus can be reached on a highway program. It
has collided with other legislative desires, such as more money for foster
care and education, and further tax reductions.
Other times, we need to cut or rearrange some excess clauses. The original:
The exhibit features more than 100 famous Kansans, including Kilby,
who in 1958, while working at Texas Instruments invented the integrated
circuit, making the era of modern electronics possible.
A revision:
The exhibit features more than 100 famous Kansans, including Kilby.
While working at Texas Instruments in 1958, he invented the integrated
circuit, making modern electronics possible.
Quite often, the problem is a simple run-on sentence. For some reason,
this happens especially often in quotes. All that’s needed is a period
between the independent clauses. The original:
“We told him it would only cause problems, he didn’t listen.”
The revision:
“We told him it would only cause problems. He didn’t listen.”
Remember: Not all sentences should be short. But most of them should
be. All it takes is a commitment to put the readers’ needs first, and the
willingness to take a couple of minutes, even on deadline, to make it happen.
Just give your readers a little pause now and then.
McGrath is special projects and enterprise editor at The Wichita
(Kan.) Eagle. He can be reached at kmcgrath@wichitaeagle.com
or 316/268-6680.
